The Deranged Rantings and Rambling Screeds of Myuphrid the Dracolupe

It's pronounced "mew-fridd", incidentally

Call me crazy but...

I find this contraption inexplicably hilarious.

"Can you hear me now? Good!"
It's surprising just how dreary and frustrating life can become when a major time-waster is unceremoniously stripped out.
Case in point: my music. The computer-enabled fluff with which I fill my days is enacted to a near-constant stream of the random tunes I've collected - everything from classical greats to video game soundtracks, rock, big band jazz, downloads from OCRemix, even isolated tracks from the likes of Cole Porter and Andy Williams. In short, my day-to-day life is conducted to its own little eclectic soundtrack.

Now, the thing about said soundtrack is that I like to listen to it through headphones, specifically the big, padded, cover-one's-ears variety. This is partly due to a personal, and quite possibly erroneous, theory regarding sound diffusion in minimal space (in short: speakers right next to ears = maximum sound funnelled into lugholes), but it's also due to my crippling shyness. The mere idea of assailing the nearby with my tastes in music seems loathsomely impolite to me. So you can likely imagine the sort of obstacle that would arise should my headphones have the misfortune to break.
Not being an engineer in any non-space-opera capacity, I couldn't tell you what caused the right speaker to cut out, but that's precisely what happened to my Sennheiser HD 201s. Needless to say, it was an absolute arse of a situation, and up until now my life has been drearily silent.

Still, Amazon came through for me by offering a set of Hama HK-3031s for the lovely price of £5. Better still, they delivered them before the estimated delivery date - good show there. So I'm with music once again! Huzzah!

Anyway, my dull tale of nothingness is done now. Thanks for listening.

"Timeline? This is no time to be arguing about time! We don't have the time! ... What was I saying?"
So, anyone who's followed my ever-uninteresting doings for a while is probably aware of Laszlo Hadron and the Wargod's Tomb, the space opera novel what I wrote. Those of you who have some inkling of my literary ambitions may well be aware that it's only one story in an intended series of books, only one chapter (or indeed ten) in the life and times of the eponymous dashing space rogue and his beautiful catgirl co-pirate. The thing is, considering the ideas I've got for other books in said series, it's not even the earliest of their adventures. In fact, the next such book I intend to write takes places two years earlier, in 3280.

Now, for the most part, I intend to let each story stand on its own barring overarching story arcs - there may be occasional references to other books in the series, but hopefully not to the point of confusing those who came in late. But the issue I face is one of chronology: do I release the books in strict order of time, or do I take a more relaxed approach to the timeline and release books in whatever order, possibly including an author's note to specifically distinguish when a book's events happen in the grand scheme of things?
This issue is quite pressing at this moment since I've already got one book more-or-less written, and it might take me quite a while to write another if I decide to withhold it. So what do you think?

An increasingly inaccurately-named trio of silly limericks
An occasional fancy of mine,
Is the "AABBA" rhyme.*
So here's limericks three,
for you people to see.
...Perhaps I'll not bother next time.

There once was a Megalodon,
Whom lobsters would sit all upon.
When it all got too much,
He'd eat the whole cutch!
What an irritable Megalodon!


There was a young Jedi named Luke,
Who'd give far more than he tuke.
But Vader, the cad,
Said "I am your dad!"
Which upset that young Jedi named Luke.


An Irish poet named Roderick,
Spun rhymes that were oft quite maverick.
And so he went down,
To found a new town,
And he named his new city Galway.

*For the most part this pattern they fit,
But the third one? Why no, not a bit!
But there's a reason, you see,
In case you're angry,
And that is, "It's surrealism, damnit."

Video Game Adaptations: A Theory/Proposition
As the title may suggest, I've been thinking quite a bit about adaptations of video games lately. In particular, I've been thinking about movies and their viability as a proper adaptation medium. The thing is, I don't think a movie is the proper medium for a video game to be adapted to, and I think history bears me out on that.

Part of it is story, I'd say. A movie needs a good story to work, otherwise it's just an overly fancy demo reel for the actors and effects artists who worked on it. When it comes to a lot of games, story isn't quite such a priority, and it's here that the major stumbling block arises. Sometimes the game doesn't really have much of a story to begin with (Doom, for instance, can be summed up in three words: "Monsters. Guns. Enjoy."), or sometimes the original story is kicked out of the nest in favour of something completely different. The result: either a simple tale of fun gunplay is turned into a convoluted mess with a tumescent plot, or an intelligent and well-written story becomes the host organism for a parasitoid beast of mindless action drivel that makes Starship Troopers seem faithful and well-researched.
Of course, this issue isn't insurmountable. There's an entire genre of games where story is a major focus: RPGs! They may be action-filled, of course, but it's essentially all a story where the author lets the player take care of the main character and the graphics artists take care of describing the environment. If a movie needs a goodly amount of story, then an RPG would have you covered.
Unfortunately we hit the same problem, just from the other side. In my experience, an RPG has too much story and gameplay for a movie. Por ejemplo, a reasonably full playthrough of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic takes about a non-consecutive day of gameplay, and even an old and comparatively small game like the original Fallout takes about six hours (assuming my Steam gameplay stats are anything to go by). So, after the movie-making process is done with, what you'd end up with is either an exceedingly trimmed-down skeleton of a movie that barely even suggests the larger world it inhabits, or a bloatedly lengthy saga that would expect audiences to sit still for an awfully long time (especially those who bought one of those small buckets of soda).
Granted, you could try splitting the script into several movies, but I think the idea that I intend to offer would offer a better solution.

That solution is this: a miniseries. Instead of trying to cram the whole game into a two-hour movie, you can instead script it out into hour-long chunks and create a series. This way, you can keep the meat of the story, along with plenty of the plot-supporting sidequests, and still create a watchable and maybe even enjoyable experience. It makes sense, I think, because it's similar to how one generally plays a game: you don't expect to play the whole thing at once (unless you're doing a marathon or speed-run), you play it for a bit, then save your game and pick it up later. It may not be quite as cinematic as a movie, but if that's a problem to you, then as Tim Bisley argues, "just sit closer to the screen".

Personally, I think this'd be quite a fun idea. After all, nerds do like their long-lasting series (Star Trek, Firefly and Thunderbirds, anyone?), so most of the fans would hopefully be happy. I for one would love to see Mass Effect or Fallout in DVD boxset form. How about you?

"That's MISTER Doctor Professor Patrick to you!!"
This'll probably seem like a very random question... probably because it is, I suppose.

If a person holds both a doctorate and is the captain of a ship, are they properly referred to as Doctor Captain Person or Captain Doctor Person? Or simply whichever job title is currently most relevant?

"Satisfaction abounds!"
I do so love receiving new toys!
Case in point: the Saboteur 66 Ultra-Wave Equaliser!! A deliciously weighty piece of kit. Some may say that I'm wasting my money on pointless plastic frippery, but I say "Pyow pyow! You're dead!".

The only problem is, with my other three guns, how do I maximise my firepower potential? I've already mastered triple-wielding... but I may have to work on quadruple-wielding...

V.A.T.S is your friend
I know what you're thinking, punk...Collapse )

I spent entirely too much time on this.

I do hope this question is meant rhetorically. Otherwise, I'm sure we can all agree that the obnoxious little twerp is in for a rude shock.

Apologies to Harry Partridge, whose excellent YouTube profile appears here without permission.

Proofreaders wanted!
You may have heard that I've finally completed my 60,000-word novel, Laszlo Hadron and the Wargod's Tomb. Now, while I'm more-or-less satisfied with it (or at least sick of looking at it anymore), that doesn't mean a thing if other people don't want to read it.

To that end, I'd like to send the manuscript out to any people who would be interested in reviewing a space pirate-y tale like this and suggesting improvements that could be made to it. If that's you, then feel free to leave your name and email address in the comments section, and I'll email you a copy of the manuscript.

By the way, no stealing it, or I'll harm you.


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